The Final Cut is a series describing my personal view of the wedding accompanied by a selection of images to reflect that view. Image selections are thematic, and they are not intended to represent the full story of the day.

I don’t like the wedding industry. I like my peers, but not the industry. Maybe it’s just a case of self-loathing. Maybe I’ve seen too much. But I remember one too many a night with my now-wife, then-fiancee, toiling away on a tight budget, possessed by the constant feeling that everything we were doing was just a little inadequate. Between the email reminders, checklists, and two months of bickering over things that I can’t see in any way being consequential when I look back, it felt like a ride we couldn’t get off. The industry creates its own special form of inertia. And for those who navigate it with dexterity and bravado, more power to you. But the industry and I just don’t see it the same. If I had any mission at all, it is is to let people enjoy the power of living untethered and unbound.

What I like are the people. Couples are good. Love is good. Relationships are awesome. The idea that in the comfort of one singular other we can find so much of ourselves and grow so much beyond ourselves – how could you not like that? Ritual is cool, too. Any excuse to come together as human beings – that’s something worth fighting for. Ritual lets us see and feel the weight of our own existence.

If anyone asked, I’d say wedding days are most certainly about rituals, relationships, and people. But there’s just so much complexity, too. Especially before the wedding. And it’s everywhere. I see it as my couples work their way through the logistics. I see it in the binders and folders and compiled notes. I see it in the marketing, the communications, and the workday. And I wonder. Do we really need it all?

Jana had a lot of questions
We business owners spend a lot of time sizing up potential clients. No surprise there, I’m sure. But the smart ones know the question isn’t whether this is someone you want to work with. It’s whether this is someone you can work with. Will you be able to do your best with them? Or are you taking the job for the money? It’s tempting to think you can do it all – get the business, service your client, stay true to yourself. But in reality, something always gives. There are simply some people you’re meant for. And you need to find them.

So I meet Jana, and there are two things I knew pretty much right off the bat. She was nice. And she had lots of questions. Which is fine. Some people do, some people don’t. I tell people my job as a photographer is to observe. And that’s true. But the other part of my job is to answer questions. The people with a lot of questions when you meet are either a blessing or a curse. Either they really care. Or they’re really skeptical. You have to figure out which it is. I put my bet on the former for Jana.

Aaron had a grin
I have one specific image of Aaron before his wedding. I saw him at Alison and Oren’s wedding – they were the couple who introduced me to Jana. And what sticks in my head was him dancing. With a leg injury. And crutches. I didn’t know it at the time, but that was Aaron.

Now, there are two things that will derail a portrait session faster than you can say “Pretend like you like each other.” The first is the wedding schedule itself. Most wedding days run late. Like way late. As in half an hour behind is on time, and an hour behind is typical. No one believes me when I say this. Fortunately, it wasn’t the case here.

The second is the groom. Grooms are great for the party part of things. They can dance. They can drink. But the portraits? That’s a crap shoot. Most of the girls are on board, but grooms are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get. Some ham it up. Some are allergic to the posing. And some just can’t get into it. Which I get, because I don’t like to be in pictures either.

But when you’re the person behind the lens, you kind of think to yourself “Just suck it up!” Contrary to popular belief, a well-crafted portrait is not great because it hides what’s wrong with us. If you do it right, it’s great, because it unabashedly embraces who we are. Portraits are a reflection of our strengths, and I figure most people are only going to have one or two or three professional ones their whole lives. So it’s worth going for. Easy to say. Hard to do.

Enter Aaron. With a look of gravitas, but a grin of mischief, I wasn’t quite sure how seriously he was taking the whole endeavor. Even now, I’m not sure. But what hindsight reveals that wasn’t clear on the day, was it really didn’t matter. He was as he was. And it worked out great. I was thrilled when I saw the results.

It all started in their first meeting. I was hoping he’d play it seriously, but that wasn’t him. You can see it in the pictures. His head arched up in the air as a grin subsided. The exaggerated body movement. It couldn’t have been more perfect, though, because the last shot in the sequence is also 100% him. No staging, no requests from me. For all the levity, in that final moment, in that simple, solemn hug, as he cradles her body and holds her hand, I got it. Sometimes, you have to give people the space to be themselves. The first meeting may or may not have been a big deal to him. I’ll never know. But his relationship with Jana was. And that I do know.

Getting back to Jana
I didn’t have a lot of time at the hotel. Just enough to snap a few group shots and a few minutes of make-up being retouched. The moment that sticks in my mind is the one you see below. I entered the room a full house – bustling and busy – and watched it go from jam-packed and full-steam-ahead to dead calm. I could hear the silence. And I could feel it in Jana’s face, aglow in that still, emptiness. This is what getting ready is. The tenuous balance between everything unrealized and everything in motion.

So Jana had a lot of questions. And I did my best to help out where I could. She was planning the wedding all the way out from California, and as a person who planned his wedding in California while living in New York, I can tell you it’s hard. But here’s the thing about weddings. You never really know how it will all play out. You get a sense of things. You get better and better at getting it. But you really just never know. You’re only seeing the tip of the iceberg when you meet a couple. For all the questions, you might think she would be worried or busy or down to business on the wedding day. It’s hard to let it all go. But you’d be wrong. Jana was completely present the whole day through. She didn’t so much glow as radiate.

The Definitive Moment
Jana asked me what I thought about the wedding. I rarely have a good answer when people ask me at the end of the day. At that point, you’re going all on intuition and instinct. It takes me some time after I get home to look at the pictures, process it, and put all of the pieces of the puzzle together. But that day, I had an easy answer. I said I’d never seen a groom quite like Aaron. I don’t think she fully believed me. “I bet you say that to everyone.”

But Aaron really was energy unbound. The definitive moment came right at the end. I had packed my gear, and I was right at the door, when I glanced back. There he was, hoisted in the air. And that was the answer I had been looking for. This was a wedding about breaking orbit. Going beyond the weight of the planning, the structure, the logistics, and the work. There were no more questions. It was about that crazy, feverish grin. Following your heart. The moments of quiet. The smiles. It was about going beyond every bit of expectation the industry builds, beyond the things a photographer would ask of you, and being free. To be exhilarated. To let go. To be lifted on the shoulders of friends and family and soar over the crowd with the space above to fly, seek, and find. And if that’s not a wedding, I don’t know what is.